We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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