Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
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Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
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You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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