I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
