So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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