It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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