Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
