2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
