boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I think I have vodka in my lungs
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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