she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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