i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize