Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
she told me i tasted like america
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
i think my cat just said my name.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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