I didn't shave. On purpose
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
