I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
