Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
