Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
People in love make me want to vomit
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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