Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
