she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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