Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
