PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
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I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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