I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
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i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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