My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
