oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
