I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Randomize