he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
