just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
The beers last night were like the tears from god
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Holy sore nipples Batman
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
