hotel room ftw
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
