this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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