I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
