It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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