So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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