Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize