I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
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I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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