I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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