There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
