Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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