someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
