Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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