so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
