i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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