Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
i believe in u and ur pee
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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