And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
