Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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