I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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