I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
