you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
