I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
