I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
