Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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