I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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