Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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