His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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