Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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