she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
