i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
