No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
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Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
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I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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