What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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