wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
