What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
