I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
