I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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