What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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