i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
