My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize