I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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