whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
