I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
My liver is preforming stress tests.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
