If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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