Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
