My hand turned me down
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
