I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
