Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
