I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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