i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize