What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Randomize
