The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
