Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
