I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
