There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
