If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
