i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Randomize