i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
