I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Oh god it's open bar.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
