Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
