i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
