I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
